Para Amnestia en Los Estados Unidos, Empuje La Casa de Representatives Ahora Por Favor

Day 28 of the New World Congress...

Weeeeeeeeeee!

Enjoy the sled ride!

Or pray that Charles Hurt, Washington Times, is a horrid reporter with no grasp of the facts.
Congress will approve an immigration bill that will grant citizenship rights to most of the 12 million to 20 million illegal aliens in the U.S. after Democrats take control next month, predict both sides on Capitol Hill.
Kow-towing to the Canuck Vote — shameless!
    While Republicans have been largely splintered on the issue of immigration reform, Democrats have been fairly unified behind the principle that the illegals currently in the country should get citizenship rights without having to first leave the country.
Praying that Mr. Hurt is an inaccurate reporter should commence now, if you haven't started already.
    "Years of dawdling have worsened our border security and made it harder to fix this broken system," said Sen. Patrick J. Leahy, the Vermont Democrat who will lead the Judiciary Committee next year. "We should not let partisan politics and intolerance continue to delay and derail effective reform."
Interestingly, I ran that last passage through the Babelfish website, translating "Congress to English" and this is what came out:
"blahblahblahblahblah border security blahblahblablahblaah fix this broken system," said Sen. Patrick J. Leahy, the Vermont Democrat who will lead the Judiciary Committee next year. "blahblahblahblah  partisan politics blah intolerance blahblahblablaahblah effective reform bleaughhhhhh."
For those of you who've missed the memo, "Intolerant," "Bigoted," and "Racist" are the "Communist" and "Pinko" of the New Century!
    Democrats in both chambers say they will start with some form of legislation first drafted by Sens. John McCain, Arizona Republican, and Edward M. Kennedy, Massachusetts Democrat, which was the basis for the bill that was approved earlier this year by the Senate.

    "This past May, the Senate Judiciary Committee reported and then the Senate passed bipartisan versions of comprehensive immigration reform to bring people out of the shadows while strengthening our borders," Mr. Leahy said. "I look forward to building on that work next year and making progress on a bipartisan effort that improves security, supports our economy and respects the dignity of all people."
BTW, the Senate Select Oversight Committee for MADLIBS docked Mr. Leahy 10 points for double-usage of "bipartisan" in completing his Immigration Reform MADLIB (#22). This surprised some Beltway insiders, as Mr. Leahy has, in the past, shown considerable expertise in the construction of media quips.

Now, don't think I didn't try running that last quote through Babelfish as well. I tried as many translating schemes as I could, but not a one produced any sensible statement. It was weird; the word "crap" kept coming up over and over. Near the end, the program kept giving me a "404" error. Finally, the program told me never to return. I'm pretty sure it was being hyperbolic.
Rep. Tom Tancredo, the Colorado Republican and a leading critic of amnesty, was ... fearing that Democrats would ram through immigration reform. But a recent congressional trip with conservative-leaning "Blue Dog" Democrats changed his mind.
 
 "They don't want to touch the issue," he said, after seeing fissures already develop among Democrats' base voters on the issue. Illegal-alien advocacy groups

Wha'? — HUUURRRRTTT! No one goes around calling themselves an illegal alien advocacy group! C'mon! That would be suicidally idiotic!

... wouldn't it?

Anyhoo —
Illegal-alien advocacy groups think the Senate bill is too harsh on illegal aliens because it imposes fines on all and excludes others with criminal records. Those groups also insist future workers have a direct path to citizenship — a requirement that labor unions fiercely oppose.
Hooray for the fact that these people aren't in government! Hooray!

Of course, I wouldn't mind at all if they wanted to have a word with Mexico (and Canada, okay? Fair's fair!) about treatment of illegal aliens down (and up!) there. I am totally sure they want to approach this in an egalitarian, even-handed manner!
     "I think it's going to be much more difficult for them to do than I had thought the day after the election," Mr. Tancredo said.
Sadly, I now see why some accuse Mr. Tancredo of being a nutter.
    Most likely, he said, Democrats will succeed at undoing plans to build 700 miles of fencing along the U.S.-Mexico border.
    "The thing that's in the greatest jeopardy right now is the fence, because they do have the appropriations process and that's probably the one they can stop," Mr. Tancredo said.
Well for the money, we know the only kind of fence a federal government would erect — all 700 miles of it — would be some yellow "caution" tape, a few dozens of "piso mojado" cones, and maybe some "Amway" flyers posted on scrap heaps and telephone poles.

***

Okay, everybody, everybody! New drinking game! Every time a congressperson says "comprehensive immigration reform," you knock back a stiff shot.

This will have several ameliorating effects:

(1.) You will dull the sense of hopeless impotence you experience when congressmen take action!

(2.) You will become so drunk by 2007 you will spend much of the year in a "black out" state

(3.) If you invest in alcohol commodities, you will retire well-off.

(4.) If you are a "sentimental" drunkard, you will make many new "fren's."

(5.) Sappy Ballads, backed by accordion, brass and clarinet, will bring back fond, unbidden memories.

 
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