Good! Your hate has made you powerful. Now fulfill your destiny and take your president's place at my side!

8 January 2007

His Excellency, Pope Benedict XVI
1616 Vatican Street, #1a
The Vatican, Vatican City

Mrs. Nancy Pelosi
Speaker, House of Representatives and Loyal Subject
732 North Capitol ST, NW
Washington, D.C.

Mrs. Pelosi:

We congratulate you upon your election and ascention to the position of Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States of America. We found the televised ceremonies praiseworthy and moving, as you congratulated your predecessors and accepted your election with much grace and charity, as befits the saints of the church. We are of the opinion that the children were, in the main, a good touch as well. One can hardly ever go wrong, and will almost always go right, in parading the youth of America before the voters of your blessed country.

It thus remained for us to write you a word of encouragement regarding that subject upon which we touched in our last communications of 12 Nov 2006. We know that the soul of our son, Jack — rest his soul — is smiling down upon you now, and that we hope very soon you will know in a very real way the sense of responsibility he felt when he was invested with that most influential power. In my youth, I was amongst the privileged few who witnessed his answering directly to the Holy See! It was magnificent, we can tell you!

In keeping with what has been said before, the desire expressed by the Synod of Bishops, adopted by the Holy Father Benedict XVI as his own is that you and our loyal brethren of the local K.O.C., synod #46, Washington, D.C., should proceed in the matter as follows (Although this Papal directive does not carry the force of a bull or encyclical, we do feel this to be the best general approach to the resolution of our collegial task).

In general form, K.O.C. brethren should proceed against Mr. Cheney and surreptitiously obtain the batteries from his pace-maker. These, upon immediate transfer and properly discharged into Mr. Bush's bathwater, can be used to effectively alter the course of the United States domestic and foreign policies by placing the powers of the Executive Branch in your most capable, and — I must stress yet again — loyal hands.

The development of the details of the mission we will leave to those ministers of ours who are on location in Washington.

In this action one must do everything possible to ensure that this is understood not to be a matter of discrimination but only of absolute fidelity to the will who has restored and entrusted to us anew the indissolubility of democratic rule as a gift of the Creator.

Remaining united with you in dedication to the collegial task of making the truth of the Seat of Saint Peter shine in the life and activity of the Church, and incidentally running the United States of America,

We remain Yours Devotedly in the Lord,

Benedictus XVI