Wry Sci: "I Want to You All to Call Me Loretta" Alert: "Man" "Gives Birth" to "Baby"
Posted by WryMouth at 3 Jul 2008, 4:07 PM and is filed under Kill Me Soon,Lifestyles tm,Astonishing Tales,smoke 'em if you got 'em,twilight zone,Re-edjication 
DANGER: DRTIYHFIYM... DRTIYHFIYM...
The reason for the DRTIYHFIYM* warning is so that you will avoid besmirching your computer keyboard or screen.
All ready? Okay — here goes:
I guess, if you are just a tad flexible on what you mean by "man," you could say Ms. Beatie is a "pregnant man."
Just. A tad.
Um. "His?" Born a woman? "His?!"
Hey; waitaminnit — !
A brilliant idea immediately comes to mind: I now have legal recourse to contest any points my children lose in their Spanish or French classes every time they use, say, "amiga" instead of "amigo" when talking about their friend, Paco.
You know, come to think on it, even English classes have become easier for me and my kids to navigate. I feel better now!
This storyline seems to almost gleefully exchange "him" and "her" willy-nilly. It's almost as if someone wants to promote the idea that gender is a construct of the person's choice, and not some old-fashioned biologically-based characteristic. Who needs genetics, really?
Welp. Back to the old salt mine:
No;
thanks for asking. It's not delivered in any sort of arch or ironic fashion. The delivery
(ha!) of the writers and the media outlets are straightforwardly
embracing and empowering.
It is intriguing to me that at least two or three of my ex-students might be reading this and thinking, "I don't get it. Gender is a mental construct. There's no difference between being a man and a woman anyway. What's the fuss?" The re-definers have been hard at work for some time, now. To a man steeped in mathematics, where definition is crucial, the intentional destruction of definition is always a bit more traumatic, I suppose, than it might be to the casual observer.
And the sacrifice of words begets the sacrifice of thinking.
But wait! It just gets better and better:
"He retained his female sex—" What? No! What?!
I'll bet you a million dollars Oprah nodded sympathetically and made "um-hmming" noises.
Where's that Monty Python clip, again? Hold on —
I guess people won't see this as humorous within a year or so. It'll be seen as sinister and mean-spirited and — gasp — discriminatory.
Doesn't anyone remember that "discriminating" is often a good thing? Ought we not to strive to discriminate between food and garbage, for example? Between good art and bad art (oh sorry; we gave up on that decades ago)?
Raymurgy said, earlier today, that I should bump this particular editorial to the top of the blog again, and that was before I saw this piece o' "lifestyle" news.
Consider it bumped, Murgy!
I won't relate to you the details of how Ms. Beatie got herself preggers; you can click over to the story if you want because — isn't this always the case? There's not really any concept of privacy anymore**, so of course the reporters asked how she got pregnant, and of course she laid it all out for them.
Suffice to say she had to, as the husband, allow — wait; let me check again... yes — she had to, as the husband, allow herlesbian lover — er, wife to act as the husband, and ... wait. Wait. Yes; that's right — the wife had to impregnate the husband pretty much with a turkey baster.
Joseph Heller? Paging Joseph Heller... I got a new story idea all ready for you...
In the meantime, let me give this Brave New World of linguistics a whirl:
Well, I can tell you it's been a red-letter day for me. I was freed from five years of captivity by the Columbian Army today!
That is, if by "I" we mean "many people" and by "was freed from five years of captivity" we mean "went safely to work" and by "by the Columbian Army today" we mean "using cars and public transportation."
This is great! :oD !!1!
*DRTIYHFIYM = Do not read this if you have food in your mouth
** unless you are a 12-yr-old girl who wants an abortion but that's another story...
The reason for the DRTIYHFIYM* warning is so that you will avoid besmirching your computer keyboard or screen.
All ready? Okay — here goes:
Thomas Beatie, the transgender manWait right there for a second. Pause... the disorientation will pass... okay:
Thomas Beatie, the transgender man who made headlines as the so-called "pregnant man"
Yeah;
I remember reading headlines about this before. I always knew it was a
farce, and thought that sooner or later the media would give it a miss,
but no. Here we are, months later, still being told there's a "pregnant
man" around.I guess, if you are just a tad flexible on what you mean by "man," you could say Ms. Beatie is a "pregnant man."
Just. A tad.
Thomas Beatie, the transgender man who made headlines as the so-called
"pregnant man," gave birth Sunday to a healthy baby girl, ABC News has
learned.
... Born a woman,
...?... Born a woman,
... Born a woman, Beatie, 34, who had had his breasts surgically removed
Um. "His?" Born a woman? "His?!"
Hey; waitaminnit — !
A brilliant idea immediately comes to mind: I now have legal recourse to contest any points my children lose in their Spanish or French classes every time they use, say, "amiga" instead of "amigo" when talking about their friend, Paco.
California Spanish Teacher: I'm sorry, Mr. Mouth, but your son's misuse of gender in his compositions is flagrant and pervasive.
Me: What do you mean?
Teacher: Take this, for example: "Mi amiga Paco va a la biblioteca."
Me: What's wrong with that?
Teacher: "Amiga?" "Paco?" Paco is a boy — see? Here's his picture.
Me: I don't understand.
Teacher: "Amig-A" is the feminine gender. You can't say —
Me: Are you insinuating that Paco can't be an amiga, if he wants?
Teacher [tugging nervously at shirt collar]: Well — I don't know if that's what I
Me: Are you suggesting that, just because Paco here looks like a boy, and was born a boy, that he can't be a woman, if he wants to be one?
Teacher: Well, no; I'd never —
Me: That's... soooo... discriminat—
Teacher: Look! Here! I'll give the points back!
Me: Thank you!
Me: What do you mean?
Teacher: Take this, for example: "Mi amiga Paco va a la biblioteca."
Me: What's wrong with that?
Teacher: "Amiga?" "Paco?" Paco is a boy — see? Here's his picture.
Me: I don't understand.
Teacher: "Amig-A" is the feminine gender. You can't say —
Me: Are you insinuating that Paco can't be an amiga, if he wants?
Teacher [tugging nervously at shirt collar]: Well — I don't know if that's what I
Me: Are you suggesting that, just because Paco here looks like a boy, and was born a boy, that he can't be a woman, if he wants to be one?
Teacher: Well, no; I'd never —
Me: That's... soooo... discriminat—
Teacher: Look! Here! I'll give the points back!
Me: Thank you!
You know, come to think on it, even English classes have become easier for me and my kids to navigate. I feel better now!
This storyline seems to almost gleefully exchange "him" and "her" willy-nilly. It's almost as if someone wants to promote the idea that gender is a construct of the person's choice, and not some old-fashioned biologically-based characteristic. Who needs genetics, really?
Welp. Back to the old salt mine:
Born a woman, Beatie, 34, who had had his breasts surgically removed and legally changed his gender from female to male, leaped to prominence around the world in April when the wispy bearded man revealed he was pregnant.
It is intriguing to me that at least two or three of my ex-students might be reading this and thinking, "I don't get it. Gender is a mental construct. There's no difference between being a man and a woman anyway. What's the fuss?" The re-definers have been hard at work for some time, now. To a man steeped in mathematics, where definition is crucial, the intentional destruction of definition is always a bit more traumatic, I suppose, than it might be to the casual observer.
And the sacrifice of words begets the sacrifice of thinking.
But wait! It just gets better and better:
Beatie maintained that he retained his female sex organs because he intended one day to get pregnant.
"He retained his female sex—" What? No! What?!
"I actually opted not to do anything to my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day. I see pregnancy as a process, and it doesn't define who I am," Beatie told Oprah Winfrey in April.
"I feel it's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human need. I'm a person and I have the right to have a biological child," he said.
I guess people won't see this as humorous within a year or so. It'll be seen as sinister and mean-spirited and — gasp — discriminatory.
Doesn't anyone remember that "discriminating" is often a good thing? Ought we not to strive to discriminate between food and garbage, for example? Between good art and bad art (oh sorry; we gave up on that decades ago)?
Raymurgy said, earlier today, that I should bump this particular editorial to the top of the blog again, and that was before I saw this piece o' "lifestyle" news.
Consider it bumped, Murgy!
I won't relate to you the details of how Ms. Beatie got herself preggers; you can click over to the story if you want because — isn't this always the case? There's not really any concept of privacy anymore**, so of course the reporters asked how she got pregnant, and of course she laid it all out for them.
Suffice to say she had to, as the husband, allow — wait; let me check again... yes — she had to, as the husband, allow her
Joseph Heller? Paging Joseph Heller... I got a new story idea all ready for you...
In the meantime, let me give this Brave New World of linguistics a whirl:
Well, I can tell you it's been a red-letter day for me. I was freed from five years of captivity by the Columbian Army today!
That is, if by "I" we mean "many people" and by "was freed from five years of captivity" we mean "went safely to work" and by "by the Columbian Army today" we mean "using cars and public transportation."
This is great! :oD !!1!
*DRTIYHFIYM = Do not read this if you have food in your mouth
** unless you are a 12-yr-old girl who wants an abortion but that's another story...
Thomas Beattie...
escapee from the Island of Dr Morneau...
a Seahorse-man
Reply to this
You said "Island of Dr. Morneau"...
For the uninitiated, that's an inside variation on "The Island of Dr. Moreau," which is itself either a classic (Ray Harryhausen) or a classic disaster (Val Kilmer, Marlon Brando).
sea-horse man? why not?
All I know is I've decided to have my "sex" legally changed to "transgendered lesbian trapped in a transgendered woman's body."
See you in the SCOTUS!
Reply to this
I am sort of thrown by the geophysics of it all. I mean...surely those cherished female reproductive organs would have become shrivelled relics with all the testosterone which made her look outwardly blokey? But it seems not. Michty.
I quite like the idea of a foetus gestating in a box. Only...I might have left mine on a bus. So the time-honoured system has its merits. Ah weel, as Madame Odintsov commented in Turgenyev's "Fathers and Sons","Order and system is needed in everything."
Reply to this