... with the missus out of town (this time for a few days) I am reminded again, by my inability to sleep on any schedule, by the incessant, persistent cold when i lay down, by my failure to ever get warm, by the empty spaces, by the heightened tendency to feel disconnected and at-a-loss, I am reminded again how much she has intertwined herself into me, and again of the magnitude of adjustment(s) I have to make in her absence.

just another example among dozens of me taking people for granted, just assuming they'll be there from one day to the next. another example of how easily I forget.

and so, while I am unable to scratch this itch, I can't seem to get comfortable, even though it is palpably miserable, at the same time, there is "joy," in the sense that my gratitude, not only for her, but for others as well, is more frequently renewed, since the loss of her otherness continually throws me off-stride.

There is joy, because I am less asleep, less numbed. I appreciate, therefore I am.

hurry back, sweetie