Wry Mouth

Wry Sci: "I Want to You All to Call Me Loretta" Alert: "Man" "Gives Birth" to "Baby"

2008-07-04T12:37:15Z

DANGER: DRTIYHFIYM... DRTIYHFIYM...

The reason for the DRTIYHFIYM* warning is so that you will avoid besmirching your computer keyboard or screen.

All ready? Okay -- here goes:

Thomas Beatie, the transgender man

Wait right there for a second. Pause... the disorientation will pass... okay:

Thomas Beatie, the transgender man who made headlines as the so-called "pregnant man"

Yeah; I remember reading headlines about this before. I always knew it was a farce, and thought that sooner or later the media would give it a miss, but no. Here we are, months later, still being told there's a "pregnant man" around.

I guess, if you are just a tad flexible on what you mean by "man," you could say Ms. Beatie is a "pregnant man."

Just. A tad.

Thomas Beatie, the transgender man who made headlines as the so-called "pregnant man," gave birth Sunday to a healthy baby girl, ABC News has learned.

... Born a woman,

...?

... Born a woman, Beatie, 34, who had had his breasts surgically removed

Um. "His?" Born a woman? "His?!"

Hey; waitaminnit -- !

A brilliant idea immediately comes to mind: I now have legal recourse to contest any points my children lose in their Spanish or French classes every time they use, say, "amiga" instead of "amigo" when talking about their friend, Paco.

California Spanish Teacher:     I'm sorry, Mr. Mouth, but your son's misuse of gender in his compositions is flagrant and pervasive.

Me:     What do you mean?

Teacher:     Take this, for example: "Mi amiga Paco va a la biblioteca."

Me:    What's wrong with that?

Teacher:    "Amiga?" "Paco?" Paco is a boy -- see? Here's his picture.

Me:     I don't understand.

Teacher:   "Amig-A" is the feminine gender. You can't say --

Me:     Are you insinuating that Paco can't be an amiga, if he wants?

Teacher [tugging nervously at shirt collar]:    Well -- I don't know if that's what I

Me:    Are you suggesting that, just because Paco here looks like a boy, and was born a boy, that he can't be a woman, if he wants to be one?

Teacher:   Well, no; I'd never --

Me:    That's... soooo... discriminat--

Teacher:     Look! Here! I'll give the points back!

Me:     Thank you!

You know, come to think on it, even English classes have become easier for me and my kids to navigate. I feel better now!

This storyline seems to almost gleefully exchange "him" and "her" willy-nilly. It's almost as if someone wants to promote the idea that gender is a construct of the person's choice, and not some old-fashioned biologically-based characteristic. Who needs genetics, really?

Welp. Back to the old salt mine:

Born a woman, Beatie, 34, who had had his breasts surgically removed and legally changed his gender from female to male, leaped to prominence around the world in April when the wispy bearded man revealed he was pregnant.

No; thanks for asking. It's not delivered in any sort of arch or ironic fashion. The delivery (ha!) of the writers and the media outlets are straightforwardly embracing and empowering.

It is intriguing to me that at least two or three of my ex-students might be reading this and thinking, "I don't get it. Gender is a mental construct. There's no difference between being a man and a woman anyway. What's the fuss?" The re-definers have been hard at work for some time, now. To a man steeped in mathematics, where definition is crucial, the intentional destruction of definition is always a bit more traumatic, I suppose, than it might be to the casual observer.

And the sacrifice of words begets the sacrifice of thinking.

But wait! It just gets better and better:

Beatie maintained that he retained his female sex organs because he intended one day to get pregnant.

"He retained his female sex--" What? No! What?!

"I actually opted not to do anything to my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day. I see pregnancy as a process, and it doesn't define who I am," Beatie told Oprah Winfrey in April.

I'll bet you a million dollars Oprah nodded sympathetically and made "um-hmming" noises.

"I feel it's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human need. I'm a person and I have the right to have a biological child," he said.

Where's that Monty Python clip, again? Hold on --

I guess people won't see this as humorous within a year or so. It'll be seen as sinister and mean-spirited and -- gasp -- discriminatory.

Doesn't anyone remember that "discriminating" is often a good thing? Ought we not to strive to discriminate between food and garbage, for example? Between good art and bad art (oh sorry; we gave up on that decades ago)?

Raymurgy said, earlier today, that I should bump this particular editorial to the top of the blog again, and that was before I saw this piece o' "lifestyle" news.

Consider it bumped, Murgy!

I won't relate to you the details of how Ms. Beatie got herself preggers; you can click over to the story if you want because -- isn't this always the case? There's not really any concept of privacy anymore**, so of course the reporters asked how she got pregnant, and of course she laid it all out for them.

Suffice to say she had to, as the husband, allow -- wait; let me check again... yes -- she had to, as the husband, allow her ~~lesbian lover~~ -- er, wife to act as the husband, and ... wait. Wait. Yes; that's right -- the wife had to impregnate the husband pretty much with a turkey baster.

Joseph Heller? Paging Joseph Heller... I got a new story idea all ready for you...

In the meantime, let me give this Brave New World of linguistics a whirl:

Well, I can tell you it's been a red-letter day for me. I was freed from five years of captivity by the Columbian Army today!

That is, if by "I" we mean "many people" and by "was freed from five years of captivity" we mean "went safely to work" and by "by the Columbian Army today" we mean "using cars and public transportation."

This is great! :oD !!1!

*DRTIYHFIYM = Do not read this if you have food in your mouth

** unless you are a 12-yr-old girl who wants an abortion but that's another story...

Wry Muse: Denver Songstress Replaces Nat'l Anthem With "Black" Nat'l Anthem at Public Address

2008-07-03T19:19:36Z

Dateline, Denver, Colorado.

Mayor John Hickenlooper's annual State of the City address may get more attention for what wasn't included than what was.
At the start of the event Tuesday morning, City Council President Michael Hancock introduced singer Rene Marie to perform the national anthem.
Instead, she performed the song "Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing," which is also known as the "black national anthem."

This is the part where I expect Cogito to chuckle, recalling one of our favorite bits from a young Albert Brooks.

***

Actually, the African Americans website africanamericans.com calls it the Negro National Anthem; pardon me for a moment while I "go figure." ...okay; I'm back.

Still, I'd certainly vote for it for national anthem over Mr. Key's work, if Mr. Brooks is willing to continue his contest.

Provided it doesn't drag on and on in some dreary, Soviet fashion.

And, of course, too many splinter groups would blow a gasket over my favorite part:

Thou who has brought us thus far on the way;

Thou who has by Thy might,

Led us into the light,

Keep us forever in the path, we pray.

Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee,

Lest our hearts, drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee,

It is, after all, basically a Protestant hymn. A little flowery, in that mid-to-late-1800's way, sure. But I'm sure we could clean and tighten it up a little.

And here's the video.

For what it's worth, just like the national anthem, I will mention it was hard to find a version that wasn't fraught with political overtones -- overblown -- or not too amateurish on the other extreme. I just wanted a straight-forward presentation; this one does nicely, I think.

Wry Mouth Exclusive: Gas $7.789 a Gallon in Redlands, CA!

2008-07-01T15:49:42Z

... and just for fun, I buy a coupla gallons... and fantasize about living in Britain, or perhaps the USA this time next year...

It's a local Union 76, but they have a special dedicated nozzle -- for 100 Octane fuel

"oh my yes 100 octane"

says the Stephen King part of my brain. I put in 2 gallons of 100 octane and 8 of 87 octane just to see what would happen.

The van did NOT break (whew), but I can tell you it's got a little extra "zip" now. I reckon that adding 2 gallons fo 100 octane prolly boosted my 87 octane brew up to about 93 octane.

But those racing afficianados that are hooked on the good stuff, shelling out $7.79 a gallon on the weekends? Whew!

I wanted to provide a link here, to support what seems a fantastical tale to us neo-suburbanites, but this is the best I could do... a BBS discussion that (eventually) displays many places to get such fuel(s). Who knew?

Wry WRY: What I Think About Whenever Someone Mentions the New York Times

2008-06-30T08:29:21Z

I was lucky enough to be stuck in a waiting room for a few hours with a New York Times on Monday. I was getting the Mrs.' car windows tinted. After doing many things to avoid the Times, I ran out of gambits (writing poetry, making lists of things to do, going for a walk for an hour) and glanced it over.

And found this, after a few seconds.

In the USA, only the New York Times* could sincerely publish this leading Style section article, copiously illustrated, and not hear the laughter behind their heads:

Nope! No pretense there! No siree! Whenever I think of "all masculine" ways of wearing my coat, the first thing I think of is wearing it like a cape over my bared, shaved chest with one button done.

I know; I know. It makes me look like a rube when I mock such things. I admit it.

* Maybe the L.A. Times as well, but only because they are the N. Y. Times' lap-puppy, always whining and panting to catch up.

WALL*E

2008-06-28T15:03:57Z

Ten thumbs up out of ten.

See it. Several times. PIXAR, an accidental film company, continues to stick its talent and skill in the eyes of the other major studios.

Watch for references to "2001:A Space Odyssey," especially the character design nod to the HAL 9000 computer.

Sly satire. Expert cinematography. "Meet cute." Stock of character actors. And all that with almost no dialogue for great stretches.

Blast From the Past:: "Sis boom Bah"

2008-06-28T11:26:47Z

Here's a little scene from last June that's been getting a few hits every now and again ever since. I decided to bring it up again because now it's a year later and I wondered what these folks, who were saying this a year ago

The endgame in Iraq is now clear, in outline if not detail, and it appears that the heavily favored United States will be upset. Once support for a war is lost, it is gone for good; there is no example of a modern democracy having changed its mind once it turned against a war. So we ought to start coming to grips with the meaning of losing in Iraq.

think now.

Nevermind -- I actually know what they (still) think now. I was just kidding.

Support the Troops, kids!

Iowahawk: Canadian Public Service Announcement: "Reminding You to Think Before You Think"

2008-07-01T15:50:45Z

From Iowahawk, David Burge's obviously cathartic blog:

"For as long as there is a Canada, there will be hate. But as long as there is hate, the Royal Canadian Mounted Human Rights Police stands at the ready to stomp that hate out..."

This, from his Canadian Radio Classics skit, helping him deal with the Orwellian-off-kilter entity that is the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

Here's the PSA break from the radio script; probably the only part of the satire that is safe-for-work (unless, of course, you are in Canada, and a member of the HRC is reading over your shoulder):

PSA Break

Man's Voice
Stupid foreigners!

Sound FX:
jail door slamming shut

Man's Voice
Hey! Grrrr!

Announcer
Thanks to stepped up enforcement and random internet checks, Canadian speech crimes have been cut nearly in half over the last three years. It's a record all Canadians can be proud of, but it's only a first step.

Man's Voice (echo-y reverb)
Stupid foreigners!

Announcer
Experts estimate that only 1/2 of 1% of all Canadian speech crimes are ever prosecuted, because most occur in the shadowy silence of private thought. It's time that all Canadians work together to recognize and report these non-verbal crimes before it's too late. If you know or suspect someone of harboring or contemplating offensive or otherwise un-Canadian ideas, please report to your Provincial Human Rights Office.

Man's Voice (echo-y reverb)
Stupid foreigners!

Sound FX:
jail door slamming shut

Announcer
This has been a public service announcement of the Royal Canadian Mounted Human Rights Police, reminding you to Think Before You Think.

Satire is a sometime thing with me, but it is lines like those magnified, above, that will probably bring me back to Iowahawk for more.

Occasionally.

SCOTUS: Supreme Court on the 2nd Amendment -- A Comic Interlude

2008-07-01T15:51:06Z

A spate of 5-4 rulings in the Supreme Court this summer... Kennedy must feel like a god, and is probably cleaning up on "swing vote" incentives offered by his fellow justices. I'll bet he doesn't have to pay for dinner for at least the next six months.

"The Federal Gubmint? I say let 'em do whatever they want!

You can't have too much intrusion of government into private affairs, says I!"

Here, though, is a light-hearted passage from Justice Stevens' dissent on the SCOTUS ruling striking down a generalized gun ban in Washington, DC*:

... the Court would have us believe that over 200 years ago,

the Framers made a choice to limit the tools available to elected officials

wishing to regulate civilian uses of weapons, and to authorize this Court to use the common-law process of case-by-case judicial lawmaking to define the contours of acceptable gun control policy. Absent compelling evidence that is nowhere to be found in the Court’s opinion,

I could not possibly conclude that the Framers made such a choice. ...

Get it?! ROFLIMHO!

It's funnier if you remember that this is a Supreme Court justice who cannot believe that the framers of the Constitution of the United States of America made a choice to limit the reach of elected officials...

*Washington, DC -- the crown jewel of American cities... think about it.

From the A.D.'s Office: Switch-hitter Meets Ambidextrous Pitcher

2008-07-01T15:52:42Z

Sitting and gabbing with the out-going (in more than one way) Athletic Director of our school today, and he mentions a story out of single-A baseball. I was interested in the proceedings myself, having seen a guy warming up for one of our opponents a couple years back -- warming up pitching with both arms. Luckily for my squad, the guy didn't stick with his team.

But here's a story about the same type of guy -- only better; he must be a freak of nature -- pitching ambidextrously in professional baseball:

Abbott and Costello would have loved Pat Venditte.

The comedy duo would have been proud to script the five-plus minute scene that occurred Thursday night in the ninth inning of the game between the Class A Staten Island Yankees and the Brooklyn Cyclones.

Venditte made his professional debut with Staten Island, less than two weeks after he was drafted by the Yankees in the 20th round. He pitched the ninth, and after retiring two batters and allowing a single, a switch hitter stepped to the plate.

That's hardly unusual. But it becomes intriguing against Venditte, a switch pitcher.

Things got a tad dizzying when designated hitter Ralph Henriquez, who had taken his on-deck circle swings as a lefty, entered the batter's box from the right side.

Venditte put his specially made glove (it has six fingers, two webs and fits on both hands) on his left hand, and got ready to pitch right-handed.

Henriquez then changed his mind and switched sides of the plate, because a batter sees the ball sooner when it is thrown by a pitcher using the opposite hand.

So Venditte shifted his glove to the other hand.

Then it happened again.

And again.

Evidently, there's no rule covering this sort of thing -- that they knew about.* This would be odd, in a game with the "Infield Fly Rule." The umpires jury-rigged a ruling to fit the occasion; Venditte won the battle of the ambidextrous by striking Henriquez out with wicked curveball.

Here's the video:

* There is a rule; pitcher has to declare 1st. Baseball has rules for everything! ;o/

Wry Mouth Semi-Exclusive: Speaking of St. Al Gore... more coined phrases in the Global Weather Change Crisis

2008-06-22T17:59:45Z

Overheard on the Dennis Miller Show* yesterday:

Brian, a caller, gave Dennis (and his sidekick, Salman) giggle fits by referring to Global Warming adherents as "Warmons" and their faith as "Warmonism."

Any spelling errors are mine, as I only heard the comments.

Dennis promised to credit the caller and use the gag on his stint on the O'Reilly show next week. How cool would that be for Brian?

I should probably remind my loyal fan that I am not a person who thinks that Global Weather Change isn't happening. I do think it's happening. I think the jury is still out on which way the Weather is changing, and in which locales, but I have faith in humans and their adaptive capacities. Right now, I say -- as I have said for decades, before the current hysteria and Popeil-like huckstering -- turn off the lights when you're not using them, don't waste water or electricity.

But I'm not doing that to Save the Planet. I'm just doing it because it is sensible not to waste one's resources. But I believe in using resources -- that's what the word implies.

Keep an eye on the Sun -- the major source of Climate Change in these parts. And be clever -- if we are undergoing some long-term change, be clever. Adapt. But panicking, and giving away large chunks of Personal Initiative and Freedoms to an unelected bureacracy (which is what the UN is) sounds, to these ears, like the opposite of being clever and taking initiative.

We will only end up in a position where we have much, much less initiative and freedom to explore and adapt.

* Dennis, is a native Pittsburghian, and too quirky for some, but I like his "out in left field" sideways references, even the ones I have to look up. Plus his show is not strictly political, and will tangent off into Things Hollywood (Sal is a screenwriter) or Things Sports at a moment's notice.

Wry Mouth Exclusive: New Phrase Coined in the War on Global Weather Change

2008-06-19T08:20:25Z

"Carbon Luddites."

I haven't figured out exactly how it works, yet, but I like it.

That is all.

Californianing: "CALIFORNIA POLICE 2009"

2008-06-18T11:13:55Z

I've been looking past this little film on Clark Baker's site, always having about a dozen better things to do. But, Baker is an ex-cop (LAPD) and tends to have interesting takes on things Law Enforcement, especially in the LA basin. And now I have some spare time, waiting for my van to be repaired; I'd thought I'd give it a go.

When the police officer walks up to the car window, his first line is "Habla Ingles?" That made me smile.

At 6 minutes, I was worried that the idea was going to play itself out too quickly, but every time my interest began to flag, along would come lines like "your [BMI] is just over the legal limit!" or my personal favorite, "My carbon footprint had six toes!"

The husband-and-wife exchanges (such as when they give different weights for the husband, simultaneously) are telling, especially if one has been married.

There is more than a little Marx Brothers in this skit; I don't know if it's intentional or not. But the office's lines are particularly Grouchoesque.

I recommend this to anyone who thinks CA (and as CA goes, so goes the nation?) seems to be in some sort of hand-basket, on some sort of zip-line, headed to some warmer place. It's pretty good therapy, I've discovered, to sometimes just laugh in the face of it all.

If you don't want to link over, here's the YouTube version. Plus, it makes a great illustration for this site. I like pictures in my blog posts.

Infinite Monkeys: A nice introductory discussion about one type of libertarianism

2008-06-23T14:27:25Z

Courtesy the "Infinite Monkeys" blog, Here's a nice little discussion-starter, on two types of Libertarianism: the "freedom from" types, compared with the "freedom to" types.

In a year where many minor political parties have a golden opportunity to advance their causes, at the expense of the two bloated major parties, it's a good idea to look at some of them and decide for yourselves if we all need to be Married to being either a Democrat or a Republican.

Choice is central to any flourishing republic, says I.

Plus, Infinite Monkeys is the type of place where you can find pictures like this:

Tee hee.

Maybe Some Good News About the "Energy Crisis," At Last

2008-06-28T11:29:13Z

In response to President Bush's rather tepid proposal to lift some of the restrictions on the USA's development of the USA's resources:

Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the Democratic majority leader, reacted quickly to the president’s remarks on Wednesday. “This week’s flip-flop on offshore oil drilling by President Bush and Senator John McCain is nothing more than a cynical campaign ploy that will do nothing to lower energy prices..."

Obviously, this observation of Reid's is good news and a sound argument for proceeding to drill enthusiastically. Remember, this is the guy who said:

and also:

My advice, based on Reid's track record? DRILLS AWAAAAAAYYY!!!1!

More seriously, let's hope this is the start of a sustained, "Man on the Moon" type effort to responsibly use our resources, or at least the start of a deep, sustained, and well-played Bluff to drive speculators out of the market.

Californianing: La Taza de la Raza 3: Local Fast-Food Joint Creates Conundrum

2008-06-28T11:28:37Z

Having recently posted the second installment of the ever-popular Throw-Your-Used-Toilet-Paper-on-the-Floor series a few short weeks ago, I was forcibly reminded of the cultural "Paradigm Shift" my state is undergoing just last night.

I was bringing Wry III peaceably home from his first night of church-summer Bible school, when (as is normal for 6-yr-olds) he mentioned he had to go to the bathroom right now. I turned into one of the local Burger Kings, not even considering the possibility that anything could go awry.

Yet, as Wry III availed himself of the facilities (dancing impatiently as he tried to unzip), I saw, in the stall something that still gives me the same electric thrill I experience when I spy a camel spider or large centipede in my house. Luckily for me, I have subscribed to Cockerham's Postulate: "Always Bring Your Camera":

Bien Venidos a Todos a "Burger King!"

Aieee!

Now, ladies, I am not reacting to the stain(s) on the toilet seat. No -- despite years of cleaning up after myself, I am resigned to dealing with other people's messes in men's rooms because let's face it -- other men are mostly more stupid and careless than I.

No -- I am reacting to the trashcan in the corner, near the toilet.

To paraphrase Obi Wan Kenobi: "That's no trashcan -- it's a latrine!"

Yes; it's the California way of dealing with an influx of persons from countries that don't have working toilets or reliable water supplies -- put a trashcan in there, so those people won't throw used toilet paper on the ground.

No "biohazard" stickers; no sirree. No containment of any particulates; not even a loose-fitting lid, for goodness' sake. Just you, me and the used toilet paper, all cozied up in a closed, stuffy environment.

***

Here's where the conundrum begins: Do I, or anyone else not recently removed from a 3rd-World site, want to eat in a restaurant that caters to the wipe-butt-throw-on-ground crowd?

The thinking runs along these lines: someone's got to clean this mess up, emptying the waste cans (now s--tcans), and that somebody is 100% likely to be the folks working for low wages in the kitchen.

So now we have a vector that looks like: Customer Poop --> Food Handler

And -- I'm just sayin' -- there's no guarantee said Food Handler has "washing his hands" as any sort of priority in life. Just sayin'.

It seems to me this is a public health disaster waiting -- no, already happening.

I wonder how OSHA's going to feel about this. In California, they will no doubt be gripping their skulls in pain and confusion. For, here is the crux of the conundrum:

(1) It's an obvious public health and business safety issue
(2) It's "cultural discrimination" to think that flushing crappy paper down a toilet is somehow better than throwing it aside for the food-handlers to dispose of in the trash/dumpsters.

What to do? What to do?

***

Me? Now I have to do a bathroom check before I go to the counter/table in any restaurant.

Not only do I find this vexing for me, but now the safety of my children depends on me doing so.

I'll let you know what OSHA says.

***

UPDATE: Nothing from CAL OSHA, which referred me to the County Dept of Health, which referred me to Environmental Health Administration, which referred me to the local office, which referred me to another local office, which referred me to the EHA inspectors, and then refused to take a message. We'll see how the local paper reacts to some information I sent them.

***

UPDATE:

Burger King unveiled a $200 burger for charity in London... no word yet on whether the London Burger Kings have chamberpots next to their loos for the unwashed to put their unmentionables in...

All You Business People With Laptops: A Cautionary Tale

2008-06-18T11:16:26Z

[Interviewer]: When did you become aware that there was a problem?

Fiola: When they fired me in March.

A cautionary tale worth perusing:

When the Commonwealth of Massachusetts issued Michael Fiola a Dell Latitude in November 2006, it set off a chain of events that would cost him his job, his friends and about a year of his life, as he fought criminal charges that he had downloaded child pornography onto the laptop. Last week, prosecutors dropped their year-old case after a state investigation of his computer determined there was insufficient evidence to prove he had downloaded the files.

An initial state investigation had come to the opposite conclusion, and authorities took a second look at Fiola's case only after he hired a forensic investigator to look at his laptop. What she found was scary, given the gravity of the charges against him: The Microsoft SMS (Systems Management Server) software used to keep his laptop up to date was not functional. Neither was its antivirus protection. And the laptop was crawling with malicious programs that were most likely responsible for the files on his PC.

Sci-Fi & Film Geeks Mourn the Passing of The Genius, Stan Winston

2008-06-17T10:15:57Z

"What I will miss most is his easy laugh every time he said to me, 'Nothing is impossible.' "

-- Steven Speilberg

If you liked Ray Harryhausen's work (I did; and still do) in special effects, and then Jim Henson's, you probably loved Stan Winston's. And is you are anyone who has seen pretty much any science-fiction or fantasy film (or dozens of others not classed as sci-fi) in the past 30 years, you've seen Winston's effects studio at work.

You Had to Be There: How is this not one of the top "gotcha" moments in movie history?

Film geeks the world over are probably feeling the same way some of us did when Henson died suddenly after a battle with the flesh-eating bacteria. Stan Winston has died, at 62, from multiple myeloma. He chose to make his mark on film, and to say he succeeded would be a vast understatement.

The list goes on and on, full of films you'd have to see and many you'd never want to see.

Wry Muse: "Wry Mouth... Soooper Musicological Genius. I Like the Way that Rolls Off the Tongue!"

2008-06-18T06:51:35Z

Tee hee hee. Composers can't hide their distinctive "signature" voicings and harmonic structures from me, especially if I know them well (Mozart or Prokofiev, for example, or Bernard Herrman and John Williams).

In casting about, following links on a Tim Chandler mosey through Teh Internets, I found out that Terry Scott Taylor, amongst many album productions, worked with Doug TenNapel, an artist who creates curious looking caymationy duck-people (see album covers for Five Iron Frenzy, among others) on two computer games -- Skullmonkeys, and Neverhood. There are an odd assortment of clips on YouTube (where else?):

The Neverhood has some of the greatest music known to man. It's easy to rank the game's soundtrack among some of the elite such as Symphony of the Night. What makes this particular soundtrack so awesome is how unique it is. The composer, Terry S. Taylor, wanted to do something a little different than most game soundtracks at the time. So, what we get is an awesome Dixieland-style jazz that is not only incredibly catchy, but at the same time fitting with the game's look and feel.

So, my hunch is correct: Terry S. Taylor, on Danny's CD, is Terry Scott Taylor, probably my highest-ranked modern music composer. I also admit this is a ranking for personal use only, and not for application to The Masses.

I suspect Danny pulled these off of "Imaginarium," which is a collection of computer-game music Taylor wrote, and one of only two or three of his albums I don't have.

Of course, Danny immediately goes to 5-for-6 on the scoreboard... although we have to talk about this "Beard Lust" song on Track 2 for a moment.... next time?

My First Vow of the Summer?

2008-06-16T07:35:20Z

... to finish that math book, finally? No.

... to be a better husband and father? Maybe.

I was thinking I'd vow never, ever to complain about the occasional solifugid (AKA wind scorpion) that gets into my house, after seeing this picture*:

Aieee!!!

Now I know they are also called "camel spiders." Lovely.

The biggest I've ever seen is about oh, I dunno, 4-5 inches long. And trust me, 4-5 inches of camel spider goes a long way in the revulsion department, even if they are dead. And, if they are alive, everyone nearby commences the "spider dance" -- running around, arms retracted with hands at shoulder height waving spasmodically. "Eww! Eeeww!!"

Those above look to be about the size of a man's calf. I could only imagine what havoc a foot-long camel spider would wreak inside my humble home.

Luckily for humanity, once -- if -- you get beyond the initial horror, you will notice that the soldier nearest the camera is probably holding something to which these li'l fellahs have glommed onto right in front of the lens.

And it is the deep focus of the camera which puts the creatures in the same focal plane as the other soldier's legs.

I'm guessing if these were actually 12-14 inches long, each, the soldiers would have shot them a few times before picking them up, and I don't see any bullet-holes.

Still. I guess I'll start with the "better husband and father" vow. That'd be the easier one for me to keep, anyway.

* Tip o the Cap to Michelle Malkin's Hot Air for sticking this image in my brain. Thanks ever so!

Wry Muse: Parting Gift: Danny is 1-for-1

2008-06-15T21:23:57Z

***Updated, with new links, and more words! *** June 16 2008 ***

A graduating senior left me a gift, a CD with several songs on it she didn’t think I had, and that I’d like. Well – she was right about the “not having” part, which is difficult (I have over 7,000 songs on my iPod alone, not including large patches of my CD collection).

I am listening to them delicately, one-by-one.

And I like the first one, Terry S. Taylor’s Battle of Robot Bill.

I like it on its own merits – an odd little “anthem” that will surely find airtime at next year's basketball games, if they let me DJ again. Danny is spot on in her liner notes when she says the song will resonate with me, especially "when the kazoos come in." And she didn't even mention the saxes and recorders, the James Brown "Ooww!" sample, nor the octave-doubled BGVs. It has obvious parallels to the briefly-famous and more-longly-productive Squirrel Nut Zippers, one of my all-time favorite groups of the post-50's era (if you click on that link, though, be prepared to mute the music, as all MySpace pages are required, by law I think, to play loud music upon downloading).

Even more intriguing, to me, is that Terry S. Taylor's work has serious parallels to the work of a fellow I’ve listened to for years, Terry Scott Taylor, the man behind the bands Daniel Amos (AKA DA) and The Swirling Eddies. Terry Scott Taylor’s work tends to be lush and deep, and – in the late 70’s through early 90’s – deeply and obviously (to me) influenced by the Beatles’ more imaginative productions.

Try, for example, DA’s albums, Motorcycle [The Banquet at the World's End], !Alarma! [Props], the complete second side (back when records were records) of Shotgun Angel [The Whistler], and the Swirling Eddies’ Zoom Daddy [I Had a Bad Experience With the CIA and Now I'm Going to Show You My Feminine Side] or Outdoor Elvis [Knee Jerk]. Then there is his solo work: A Briefing for the Ascent [The title track].

I also have to point out, from a strictly personal standpoint, that on the 'Motorcycle', 'Zoom Daddy' and 'Outdoor Elvis' links above, one can clearly hear the astonishing bass playing of Tim Chandler, a personal favorite as he careens around the fretboard, simultaneously avoiding and establishing the chord progressions. No; I don't know how he does it, but I am working on it for my own bass-playing.

So now I have to figure the odds on liking two quirky musician/producers named Terry S. Taylor and Terry Scott Taylor.

Thanks, Danny! You’re one-for-one!

Tonight – I listen to Track Two! ;o/